2010 has not been easy. It started out with exams. And fuck, life continued to test us all throughout this year. I passed, I got to college, I fell and got up, yet, somewhere, still falling. You get it, don’t you?
It’s like an endless cycle you wish you never got into. But, what we don’t realise is that life is like that. We walk into our own destiny not knowing what it is. But, it’s for the best. Do not ask me why or how. I just know that.
I found out who my real family and friends are. I learnt to grow my heart to a little larger size to fit in more people to love. I learnt to cry in public without giving a shit. I learnt to trust and then again, to not. I learnt that Christmas sucks. But, if you got people, it should not. (Grape juice was missed, of course)
I learnt that hypocrisy is a necessary evil. We need it, and we should avoid it. Unfortunately, Radical Honesty (however hot it is) doesn’t work at all. You need to kiss air sometimes to be accepted. To get your way. I clench my fists at myself even as I type this, but it’s the truth.
I said it once and I am probably sounding preachy at this point, but, don’t ever lie to yourself. The truth will slap you in the face so hard that you won’t know when you will recover from it. You may cover up the truth from the closest people, but don’t hide anything from yourself. That’s just, well.. sad.
Home is where the heart is. Nuff said. It could be on a mattress in an empty apartment or in his arms. But, it’s home, nonetheless.
The greatest lesson I learnt this year is split into two contradictions-
1. Sometimes, the greatest relief comes from telling people you don’t know that well, about your problems. You never know how your need to break down could actually be fulfiled. And then, there’s always that reassurance that you’re not alone. Trust yourself to not be fooled 🙂
2. You are eventually stuck with yourself. The saddest worst and happiest best of yourself is revealed only to the self. No one can or should get that. In a world where social networking is bringing the walls down, these simple things are like the room you can go back to and call Home.
2010 was effing long. I’m honestly glad it’s getting over. But, I know one thing.
I am walking out a little braver. A little scared. A little more in love. A little happy. A little person in a world of six billion and growing..