Insecurities of a Teenage Drama Queen and their “solutions”

The first equation you learn when you are in the final year of school is: Pressure+Frustration=La Vie. Yes, you have your friends to hang on to or at least call when you feel like the sun will never shine. But, when the end is near…Everyone is busy and all "conscious". I am starting to get the vibes and waiting for some divine call from the conscience or some higher power. Believe me, I have my eyes and ears open for that. So, as I waited in the royal bedchamber..I thought I could entertain myself with a movie. I could’ve chosen New Moon, but I wanted the inspiration. And I mean, pronto. Thus, Wake Up Sid was the immediate choice. [SPOILERS AHEAD! IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED THE MOVIE..STOP READING!]

Don’t get me wrong. I actually loved the movie. Apart from the fact that Ranbir Kapoor can send shivers down my spine with his cuteness…it was well written and each character was very distinct. Even the neighbours down the hall. But, when he fails his final year…my heart broke. And it all came back to me. Flashes of my own life. Just that Ranbir Kapoor was playing me!!!!

What ensued was a major panic attack and I then wrote the following e-mail to my friend….my Bella Bum, Aarathi::

OMG. I AM GONNA FAIL. I AM FUCKED. I AM A PSYCHOLOGICALLY UNSTABLE
HUMAN BEING. I CANNOT PASS 12TH GRADE YET. I NEED THERAPY!!!! I am Sid.
I wish I was that cool Sid from Ice Age. Saving babies and shit. No…I
dream. That is my talent. Eventually, I will learn to party!!! OMG!! MY
MOM IS RIGHT. I AM INDEED A WORTHLESS LUMP OF SHIT!! […..] AND I AM FAT! I AM NOT JUST SID, I AM ALSO HIS FAT TOPPER
FRIEND.



I am not only stupid, but also fat and talentless. But, it is not
forever right? I will pass well na?[….]  THEY ARE GOING TO KICK ME OUT! […]  My
expectations are so tiny that I…feel…I feel so cheap. I just want a
house. Scratch that. I just want an apartment on the top floor of a
building so that I have terrace access so that when you come to visit
me, I can actually have a party. That and the dog too. And the dream
job on TV. I am so cheap. I do not want to be an engineer or go to MIT.
I do not want a mansion. I feel so small. Like, shorter than the
shortest person alive and I bet that is not you or even Shano ma’am.


                    ***** 3 hours later********


I am done with the movie. Huh. I cried throughout it. I am SID!!! AND
HIS FAT FRIEND!! And then I laughed my ass off at the end cause it was
so so so so so very lame. *sigh* It is 4.30 am. I wasted my time. But,
I needed that. I think. I love crying during movies. It means I really
liked it. Or that I am scared that someone I love will die and/or I
will end up like the rest of the cast. Depressed. Oh wait! That is
already me.

[………….]


Been a long night down in Sonialand. Terrible weather. The sunny, rainy
days beckon. Don’t ask about the contradictory weather. It is my land.
Has to behave like me too right?



s.

————————————————————————————-

So, I am better now. For those who care. Writing helps. The movie has definitely inspired me. Inspired me to write some more cause that is what I know I am meant to do. It is the only thing that I can do. I think.

On a final note…I would like to quote some lines from the song Wonderwall by Oasis:

"..And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead you there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don’t know how.."


Yeah…till I find a way to tell you what and how, keep the faith. And watch Wake Up Sid. If you have seen it, then watch it again. Make me happy 😉

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2 thoughts on “Insecurities of a Teenage Drama Queen and their “solutions”

  1. You are making me think of Ranbir ‘Ugface’ Kapoor playing Sonia Thomas in a biopic.We will call it ‘The Sonia Thomas Affair.’Trust me, it is not a pretty sight.

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